Archive for Friends

Why we need the protections of marriage

Posted in General with tags , , on Jun 09 2012 by Cynical Queer

I’m going to depart from my normal petty rants and talk about something truly horrible that represents the exact reason we need marriage protections.

Last night it came to my attention that the long time partner of one of my former co-workers back in North Carolina passed away from lung cancer earlier this week.  This couple had been together for over 20-years and W (not the former US President) had been taking care of J for the past year while he fought the cancer.

First I’d like to say that I am very sympathetic to W in this time of personal crisis.  I lost my own father to lung cancer in April 2011.  It is a horrible, brutal disease that eats away at a body in combination with putting the person who has it and their caregivers through emotional hell.  I don’t wish this disease on anyone, and my heart goes out to everyone who has had to deal with this horrible situation.

Unfortunately J is gone and W is left to live the rest of his life without him.  W is a strong person, and I know he’s going to come out on the other side of this a bit bruised emotionally but otherwise he’ll be very strong.  Still, here are a few of the things that W has to look forward to because of the religious bigots in North Carolina, and their enactment of scripture into state law and the NC constitution:

  • W took time off of work to care for his partner at great personal expense because he was not allowed family leave by either the federal FMLA or NC State Law.
  • W was the sole income earner during the illness when he was able to work.
  • W and J had sizable assets that according to the recently passed Amendment One cannot be passed down to W solely and directly because any contract that gives the appearance of gay marriage in the State of North Carolina is not recognized as legitimate, regardless of the facts surrounding the issue.
  • W has no say in the disposition of remains or worldly possessions, even more shaky after Amendment One.
  • W will likely lose a huge amount of his net worth because of lack of that simple piece of paper known as a marriage license that is given to the special class of people known as heterosexuals.
  • W is ineligible for survivors benefits from either the federal or state governments because of DOMA and Amendment One
  • W will likely have to sell his home to finalize the estate, even if he wants to remain in it, because he was not allowed to marry the man he loved even though they were together for over 20-years.
  •  W is subject to J’s family coming in and poking and prodding through is life in ways that no heterosexual couple would ever be able to imagine simply because they have the protections afforded to them by the state that W does not.

There are many more things I could include but I’m not going to, because quite frankly this is enough to make me angry.  These people that tell us we can’t have meaningful and significant relationships have no clue what they are talking about.  When they tell people like W, J, and me that we’re not good enough, we don’t deserve the same things they do, and what we have should be enough, I simply tell them – look at W&J and then be ashamed of yourselves.

W & J are the shining example of how we gay people are capable of doing just as well the heterosexual monopoly when it comes to the stewardship of marriage.  Unfortunately there are still too many people in this country that want to turn a huge work of fiction into the basis for all our laws.

To them, I say look at W & J and the stability, love, companionship, and sacrifice each made for their enduring relationship and remember that when you pointed your finger at them and told them how horrible they were for wanting what you have, that they were evil, and that there was no way they could ever be a good example of stability and love, that four of your fingers are pointing back to yourself.

Shame on those of you who do this.  You keep telling us we’re going to Hell for who we love but as far as I’m concerned you’re all on the express train.

I’m off to write W a condolence card.

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It Usually Comes in Threes

Posted in General with tags , , on Mar 04 2011 by Cynical Queer

What is this you ask?  Deaths of people within my close social group.  I think most of my loyal readers know who the first person is, as it is the parent of a friend we have in common.

Today I received sad news that my dearest friend in North Carolina passed away suddenly on March 3.  I’m very saddened by this as I was planning to go back east to visit her and others I knew.  Now I really have no attachments or reason to go back to North Carolina at all since the rest of the crowd I would have visited would have been because I was there visiting this friend.

Last week I almost had the same issue happen with me that has happened to our mutual friend above.  My father was in the hospital, coded on the table three times, but has made it through.  I spoke with him yesterday and he’s doing much better, even though he has four different forms of cancer and heart failure.

Back in late 2006 and early 2007 I had the black-robed visitor make an appearance in my life three times in three months.  First it was my mothers uncle, then her other uncle, then the first uncles wife.

I’m hoping my “comes in threes” this time includes my grandmother passing away last summer, and that this is the last I’ll hear from death for a while.

I’d like to end this by saying to the two families of the deceased that I wish to offer my sincerest condolences.  Your loved ones made a positive impact on my life, and I’ll always be thankful to have known them.

Lucky me

Posted in General with tags , , , on Dec 25 2010 by Cynical Queer

I’m one of the 92.3 million Americans that will travel further than 50-miles from home this Christmas.  Granted, it will be 50.5 miles (or 41.9 as the crow flies), but it is more than 50 on the road.

Hopefully the weather will be nice and the rain will hold off until I get there.

Merry Christmas!

Am I Going to Hell?

Posted in General with tags , , on Dec 18 2010 by Cynical Queer

I wonder if the police would show up?

Big D and I found this young man in one of the local shops last night.  When I saw it I nearly fell over with the thought, “I wonder how long it would take a neighborhood busy body to call the police once they notice this hanging next to the front door on the home of two gay men…”

All we gay men are child molesters, after all.  *dripping sarcasm*

So we bought and are giving it as a gag gift to a friend to find out.  The big question is, will he be brave enough to put it up next to his front door?

I suspect it will end up next to the spa out in back of his house, where it can have the humorous impact on our community of gay friends without raising the ire of the locals.

Fun in the sun

Posted in General with tags , , , , on May 04 2010 by Cynical Queer

Look Ma! I'm a cliff dweller

Even though it snowed the first day Big D and I were here, we are having a blast in Santa Fe.  We have seen the typical sights in town, and today we drove out to Bandelier National Monument to take in the Native American history and time outdoors.

We depart for California tomorrow, with fond memories of our trip to the southwest and the visit with our Santa Fe friends.

I’m off

Posted in General with tags , , , , on Apr 30 2010 by Cynical Queer

I’m leaving on the one and only trip I get to take this year.

Dr. Dishenchanted will be jealous, but I need her to remember she got to go out of the country this year. 🙂

Unfortunately Santa Fe is set to be in the mid-40’s to mid-50’s farenheit this trip, but at least I have a week of not cleaning up human “elimination”, making beds, checking vital signs, or cramming pills down people’s throats.

Planned so far, a rail trip, miscellaneous sightseeing, a visit to a chocolate shop featured on the Food Network (and coincidentally owned by my hosts), and perhaps a hike in the mountains.

Maybe I’ll check-in from the road, maybe I won’t.  Regardless, I’m gonna enjoy myself greatly.

Small World

Posted in General with tags , on Apr 17 2010 by Cynical Queer

Today I got to meet someone that I had been talking to for years.  I initially tried to meet him back in 2008 when I ventured to Philadelphia to apply for my Italian citizenship, but the meeting fell through.  Today he found himself in California and was able to drop by for a couple hours to visit me.

One thing I’ve always been apprehensive about is if a person that I’ve spoken with online will be the same person when I actually meet them, and if not, will it be in a bad way?

I’m happy to report that meeting my friend D was a very positive experience.  He was nothing like I was expecting, but that was in a good way.  He’s someone I would be very happy to know for years to come.