Dear Consumer

We’re suspending your credit card because you have not used it for more than 12-months.  When we say suspended we mean closed.  Yes, we know that you’ve called us and said you do not wish to close this account, but that doesn’t matter because we’re going to do it anyway.   For decades many consumers kept a credit card handy for emergencies, but frankly, when you don’t use it, we can’t make a ton of fees, late payments, and other nuisance charges off of you.  It doesn’t matter to us that you’ve got AAA credit or not and we’re doing this simply because we can.

You will probably take a negative hit on your credit report because of this and our unilateral actions will likely cause adverse reactions on the rest of your credit lines.  After finding out we took this unilateral action you called us and asked to have the account closed at your own request.  Sorry, we can’t do that after we suspend your account.  We find that a good thing because it will cause your interest rates to go up or your other accounts to close.  Both are cases where we make more money because we only know how to do so on bad credit, as such, our industry has decided we need to convert people with good credit into people who have bad credit.

We’re not sorry we gave you no notice to go out and use the card before we took this action, thereby giving you no chance to keep this account in what we consider, “good-standing”, which simply means, “please charge it to the limit and miss payments so we can make triple what you owe off of you…”

We know that we’re the only business in this climate that is increasing our interest rates and that all other lines of credit are lowering rates.  That’s why we’ve chosen to ruin your credit rating so that the only kind of credit you will be able to obtain is the kind we offer – a minimum 12% for AAA credit and somewhere around 30% for bad credit, which is what we are doing our best to convert you to.  Our board understands that 30% in the 1930’s was considered loan sharking and people were put in jail for it then, that is not the case now.  This is largely due to our lobbying efforts in Washington to make sure that everything was deregulated and we could then do whatever we want, without oversight.

We’re hoping that consumers have a short attention span and that when the market improves you’ll forget we’ve taken gasoline and matches to your credit rating and then asked you to bend over and take it without lube.  Please consider us when the market improves and you’re in the process of  re-establishing credit lines.


Capital One


4 Responses to “Dear Consumer”

  1. You’re not the only one to get those letters. It makes me a little grumpy!

  2. So if you want to keep your credit card just Max it out and never pay it off. That’s a boy now keep paying only the minimum fee each month and we’ll all be happy. As soon as Obama gets in we’ll have to stop fining you for having a late electric bill but don’t worry we’ll still find plenty of fees to charge.

  3. Ed! You’re alive! 😉

  4. There’s only one thing wrong with the Baby named Ed, It’s Alive! Merry Christmas CQ and a Happy New Year!

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