Here’s how to get kicked out of the Home Depot…

Yup, you read that right. Tonight I figured out how to get kicked out of a Home Depot.

I got home after work today and all I wanted to do was make a quick run to the hardware store and pick-up the last few items I needed to work on a project tonight. I wanted to pick up the new door hinges, door knobs, door stops, and the 2 remaining door slabs I needed to replace all the interior doors in the house. Not a difficult project you’d think.

I get there, and I pick-up the door hardware and put that in a basket. Then I go to where the door slabs are, and I search for the two doors I need. All they have of one is a bunch of doors they are still trying to sell at full price but either had damage or a member of their staff was stupid enough to accept in as a return item after some prior customer painted them. The other door they didn’t have in stock, so I figured I’d have to order it.

No problem, or so I thought.

While living in Conservative Hell, I’ve run into a lot of rude people that kill you with kindness while they are being rude to you. This behavior I can normally handle and brush off – only today I was a bit down and emo, so my normal capacity to tolerate this BS was significantly diminished. The customer in front of me and her husband are what set me off.

In short, this is what happened – I yelled at this couple. I know all they wanted to do was order a new entry door for their home. I got to the store and the first thing I was going to do was put in my order to get the second door that wasn’t in stock. I saw this couple was being helped, so I went and retrieved the hardware I needed for the project, went and looked a few tools, returned and saw they were still working out their order, went back to see if they had the one door slab they do stock in one that hadn’t yet been molested, then returned to the desk.

During this time trying to locate the “in-stock” door, this couple was exhibiting indecisive behavior – something I do on occasion myself, but I don’t think to the level they were. I swear, they were having Home Depot sex about this door. While she and her husband were sitting in the chairs at the desk, I swear her pu$$y was practically dripping over this new door she couldn’t make her mind up about. I thought I could see a wet spot on the front of her skanky husbands jeans. It was rude. It was obnoxious. It was absolutely horrible!

Still, I bit my tongue.

Then it happened. The wife got up out of her slimy puddle of door ecstasy, reached into my shopping cart (I was holding the handle of the cart, it was obvious it belonged to me), and proceeded to pick up one of the door knobs I intended to purchase. She then asked me in a most pleasant voice if it was OK after the fact.

I lost it and went off on this couple. I went off about their indecision. I went off about the fact that it was taking them a nuclear half-life to make a decision about their door. I went off about the fact that my order would probably take a grand total of two minutes to process because I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. I went off on the wife about how rude it was to grab something out of another customers shopping cart and then ask if it was OK afterwards.

A few people gathered and watched my scene. Then the manager showed up and asked me to leave. Perhaps I deserved it but Jebus farking Christ! How stupid is the world getting these days?

Yup, that’s how you get kicked out of the Home Depot…

Sadly, I’m still down and all emo and I didn’t get a darn thing done on the house tonight. You’d think letting out all this emotion in one blast would help things. *blah*


6 Responses to “Here’s how to get kicked out of the Home Depot…”

  1. We don’t have a Home depot but we have Lowe’s and Manard’s. I went in Lowe’s looking for Hardware Cloth. After looking in all the logical places in the a Hardware department I asked an employee for help. She looked at me like I was from Uranus. “Honey, I’ve never even heard of any thang like that”, she said. I explained that it is wire used to make cages and I intend to make a bird cage for my finches out of it. She said, “Well, if we do have anythang like that it may well be in the Garden center”. Sure enough that is wee I found it.
    Home Depot, we can screw it, CQ can help.
    It sounds to me like the wrong one was asked to leave. The Klepto who grabbed stuff out of your cart should have been escorted to the freight elevator and kicked down the empty shaft. How much money have you spent there? Everything you buy from now on drive past HD and show them what they could have sold. F*uck them and the whores they rode in on!.

  2. Oh geez. That is obnoxious.

  3. James always jokes how much I hate Home Depot, but then when we walk up and down the aisles, rarely if EVER finding what we need (they’re invariably out of stock of the item) and he says, “This sucks!” and walks out without anything —

    then I feel vindicated.

    Yes, you DID lose it but I applaud you just the same. Those clueless people got the tongue-lashing they deserved.

  4. @ed: Hardware Cloth? I would have guessed it was some sort of paper or insulation item of some sort. Is this something that people in Indiana should know? You know, a regional trait?

    @disenchanted: Yes, obnoxious. I mean the rest of the story I didn’t tell is that I had been in the store TWICE, and they were there the first time. I went in, decided they didn’t have a tool I needed, so I jumped in the car and went to Lowe’s. Then I came back and they were still there. I would have thought in that time they could have sorted this out. *shrugs*

    @cameron: It’s people like this that make me wish it was legal to carry around one of those large NERF bats and beat them with it when they were exhibiting mass amounts of stupidity. The public might give eachother periodic bruises, but at least quite a bit of societal agression would be released. LOL The big question here, would NERF assaults go up while the murder rate went down?

    @everyone: I really need to get back to my doctor and get my medication looked over. I’m not on mood type drugs, but the ones I do use can peak and valley and cause irritation. I’m at the end of this weeks cycle, so that could have been why I am emo and less tolerant. When I get this way, I tend to hand out periodic doses of reality to people.

  5. OMG! You never heard of Hardware cloth? How about breaded tenderloins? Damn. you southern folks don’t know what you’re missing.
    I’m so glad you’ve got a Lowe’s to order your door from. Who needs Home Depot?
    I suppose you think that Mangoes grow on trees? You’ll have to come visit and I’ll take yu Snipe hunting.;)

  6. I told Dustin about this and he said, “i’m not all down and emo and I would have done the same thing!” LOL

    dumb tramp! at least get out of the way so other people can do their business!

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