Where do they find these people?

Dear Company HR:

Where do you find the sales people you hire?  I’d like to know as it seems none of them fit the job description for the position they were hired for.  I mean, they should know basic things such as:

  1. How to turn their computer on.
  2. How their basic software packages work.  They don’t need to know complex Excel formulas, but they should be able to sort and total columns.
  3. How a web browser works.
  4. The four fundamental advertising research variables (Audience, Composition, Coverage, and Index).
  5. Be able to assemble their own client pitches.  We provide information, not the entire presentation.  Unless I’m going to get a cut of the sales commission, they need to do this themselves.

On another subject – I’m not misogynistic, but really, do all the women you hire for sales have to be a popsicle stick with a chest size larger than their IQ?  I know we live in Conservative Hell, but the advertising world attracts a talent pool that tilts towards gay people.  Perhaps you should take that into consideration when you’re hiring Chesty Love for advertising sales since the odds are about 50% of the men on the other side of the sales table won’t be interested in those perky tits.

Since you’re a Bush supporter, I’m fairly certain you have not noticed the economy is in the crapper.  In difficult economic times it is probably a good idea to hire one or two people that actually know what they’re doing.   I know this is a difficult concept for you to grasp seeing as you probably don’t know your own job very well, but still, you could try.

Sincerely,

CQ

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