R-E-S-P-E-C-T, this is what it means to me…

I’m surprised nobody commented about my previous post other than on something completely unrelated.

Today I still find myself rather agitated and ticked off about what happened.  While I said nothing about the reason for my upset in the post here is why I am – I made a similar comment to the same person about a year ago and my job was threatened.   Threatened even after I had the common sense to see what I had done and that it was wrong and proactively sought the person out and apologized for having made the comment.

Now that this person has done something just as bad or worse to me I have not heard one peep of remorse or regret that they handled the situation the way they did.  I’m fine with the fact they were upset with something and wanted an answer, but I’m upset about the fact that if I had made these comments I’d be fired and this person making similar comments to me gets no reprimand from anyone in control whatsoever.  I was expected to apologize, this person apparently is not.  It’s a double-standard and incredibly disrespectful.

I have 3-levels of respect defined in my life.  First is commanded respect – essentially this is respect that is expected to be given by me to people in authority simply because they are in positions higher than myself.  I find this type of respect to be completely phony and contemptible.  The second type is earned respect – people I respect because they have earned it by extending common courtesy to their fellow man, etc.  Third is mutual respect, which is my preferred type.  This is one where not only have I earned the respect of somebody but they have earned mine as well.

I work very well with the second and third and incredibly poorly with the first.  Right now the person that made the inappropriate comment to me is viewed as the first type which generates situations inside me of bitter contempt and lack of desire to do anything for them.  I ran into this type most often in the military and quite frankly did not get along with them too well.  Mostly these were officers that expected respect simply because they were an officer – not because they had earned it.

I have absolutely no idea how to handle my current situation.  I feel like I should defend myself but at the same time I feel that defending myself may create further issues. 

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3 Responses to “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, this is what it means to me…”

  1. Sorry I didn’t comment because I didn’t really understand what was going on. It seems like you are being treated with little respect from those who should have loads of respect for you. Is that it? I know I just hate it when my feet are held to the fire for a small mistake and then when others commit the crime of the century they slide by. It ain’t fair, this is true. Maybe you could point out how you were treated in the past and that you expect the same treatment to be given others. Remind those in charge that RESPECT is a two way street.

  2. Actually, for me the issue is that when I engaged in behavior that is identical to what this person did, I was given a threat of termination of employement if I didn’t apoligize and basically kiss their ass. When they turned around months later and did it to me nothing happened.

    I can tell you this, if I have to do triage on my workload their projects are going to the bottom of the pile.

  3. I’m sorry CQ. I just read your post below and I know how insanely terrible that sort of stuff feels. No matter where you go in your career life there will always be drama, and always be disrespectful goons. It’s the disappointing truth. No matter how much one should be respected they are NEVER respected enough nor appreciated to the fullest they ought to be. When crap like this happens it’s only natural to let it eat at you and to get all upset about it. Trust me I’ve been there and done that.

    I don’t know if it’s too late to do anything about it but it might be worth going up to the boss. I’d go about it in a way that makes the boss look good but that you still feel really hurt…for example go and talk to boss and say, “i really appreciate how quickly you responded to the email from Mr Rude Pants but I have to let you know how rude and disrespectful it is how he treated me and how he continues to treat me. I know people have bad days, but it doesn’t make it right to be mean to others, and when called out on it they blow it off. Blowing it off only makes it worse. I find it completely unacceptable behavior.” All while not really bringing up your case earlier but just saying you understand being frustrated but not correcting the situtation is unacceptable. Because if you blow it off, then it’s completely okay for people to treat others that way with no consequences. From my past experience when you put the boss in a good light and put your own understanding at the situation you’re much more likely to make a strong impact and can get something done about the situation.

    hope that’s at all helpful. let me know what you decide to do! good luck xoxo

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