State Delegates are Without Sin

I have come to the conclusion that the Commonwealth of Conservative Morons State Delegates are without sin. After all, why else would they pass an anti-gay marriage amendment to the Commonwealth constitution. Apparently laws in the COCM are only made if they fit with the Bible. So I am preparing to send the following to my State Delegate in response to an unsolicited letter he sent me on February 23rd touting his legislative achievements. Do you think he mentioned the Amendment? Read on…

March 11, 2005Dear Delegate Marshall,

It was with great pleasure that I read your correspondence of February 23, 2005 welcoming me to the 14th district. I was especially pleased that the second item on the list of legislation included with your letter was the Marriage Amendment to the Commonwealth constitution, which supports the views held in the Bible (Lev 18:22). One must assume that since it is included in your correspondence that you supported and voted for the amendment and are, therefore, free from sin. Being free from sin, you are likely open to creating additional laws based on scripture.

The Commonwealth should look into the following marriage related issues, and pass laws prohibiting the same to defend society. Both adultery and remarrying after divorce are clearly prohibited in the Bible (Lev 18:20 & Deut 24:4) and since adultery comes before homosexuality in the scripture it is clear that God believes adultery is a more egregious sin. We must also legislate against wives wearing any article of their husbands clothing, especially if that clothing is made from blended fabrics (Deut 22:5, 22:11 & Lev 19:19).

We both know politicians are upstanding and completely honest citizens and, just like George Washington, cannot tell a lie. Therefore, passing legislation to prohibit lying, in any form, should be undertaken without delay as it is a horrible sin that the Bible speaks about at great length (Prov 6:17, 11:1, 11:16, and 12:22).

Speaking of George Washington, there is a rather large graven image of our first president and other past leaders on the face of Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. Graven images are a sin (Deut 7:25) and we need legislation prohibiting them. Once this law is signed by the Governor, it is my hope that the legislature will encourage him to call Mike Rounds, Governor of South Dakota (605-773-3212) and ask him to destroy the images lest the wrath of God come down upon us. Should Governor Rounds decline, please urge Governor Warner to call the COCM National Guard and have them invade South Dakota to ensure compliance. The COCM has larger guard units, so they should encounter little resistance.

Finally, we need to address scripture/law inconsistencies in the banking industry. It is clearly a violation of scripture to charge or pay interest on money loaned or borrowed (Psalm 15:1-5 and Jeremiah 15:10). We will need to completely revise the underwriting and banking laws of the Commonwealth to ensure compliance with scripture. This is important as I do not think either of us wants to burn in the fire-filled depths of hell for not complying with Gods law.

I will end my request here as the legislative session in the COCM is only two short months per year, and enacting this legislation will take most of the time available. I hope you will be busy working to amend the Commonwealth constitution and code to prohibit these acts while advocating the use of the death penalty to uphold these new laws, as the Bible mandates. I suggest the execution method in the COCM become death by stoning, as the Bible seems to favor it.

You likely do not know anybody that has violated these proposed laws, so it should not impact you, your family, or your immediate circle of friends and acquaintances. Your group, being completely free from sin, will find the Commonwealth rather roomy and traffic-free after they stone the rest of the population to death for violating the new laws.Thank you for your hard work and dedication in turning the Commonwealth into a Christian theocracy.

Best wishes for your continued success,



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